Selling Togetherness
To American Families

Jan. 8, 2003 -- Ank Miranda has always thought of his family as close-knit, but lately, it's gotten a whole lot closer: He just helped his daughter buy a house near his own California home -- and then bought his mother-in-law one just down the street. It's got an apartment over the garage, so there'll be room for Mr. Miranda and his wife, just in case they decide to move in, too.

"We get on each other's nerves sometimes," the tech executive says, "but having family around makes me feel secure."

He's not alone. In a little-noticed but steadily growing trend, the American extended family is making a comeback. Increasingly, the people next store may well be your parents -- or kids. And the in-laws? They're moving into a casita in the backyard. Indeed, according to the most recent Census, the number of households with three generations under one roof has doubled in the past 20 years, while the number of young adults moving back home is up 6%. And developers aren't far behind the curve; they're building communities with playgrounds and bingo parlors, or going upscale with the old "granny flats," perfect for Mom and Dad to move into.

Everything from the tougher times to boomers looking to help out their aging parents is feeding the new togetherness. But there are other demographic factors as well, including the fact that almost 15% of people now work from home at least part-time. That gives people more choice in where to live, says Kenneth Johnson, a sociologist at Loyola University-Chicago. He should know: After one sister moved to a Michigan resort, all three of his brothers -- and his parents -- did, too. "Once you've been away from your family for 30 years, you remember them fondly," he says.

Well, sometimes. At first, Jo Ann and John Wydra were delighted when his sister, Betty O'Connor, decided to move in next door to their Huntley, Ill., home. They even put her up for a couple of months, until she got settled. But then she started going through their messy closets and "straightening up" Mrs. Wydra's exuberant cottage-style garden (her own flowers are all lined up in neat rows). "She's a perfectionist; we're not," says Mrs. Wydra, whose husband is now joking about putting in an electric fence.

All the togetherness represents a major change in American family life. For almost a century and a half, the pattern has been for generations to move farther apart -- often for job-related reasons. (In the 1850s, one in five families contained three generations under one roof; now, only one in 25 live that way.)

During past economic downturns, families also pulled together, says Claude Fischer, a sociologist at the University of California at Berkeley. The difference this time: It's baby boomers in their 40s and 50s doing the moving -- some to help take care of their parents, others looking ahead to retirement and moving from high-cost urban areas to cheaper ones. There's even been a kind of "rural rebound," with nonmetropolitan areas growing four times as fast in the last decades as they did during the '80s -- often because people are moving back to their hometowns.

Instant Enclave

For well-off boomers, an instant enclave is especially appealing, says William Frey, a demographer and sociology professor at the University of Michigan. With perhaps the highest rates of divorce, remarriage and single parenthood in history, boomers have led particularly scattered family lives. "This is the first middle-aged generation where Ozzie and Harriet don't dominate," he says. Now, as they get older, many are looking to create an idealized kind of family life.

Already, real-estate agents who've picked up on the change are figuring new ways of selling to the big family groups. On Northern Virginia agent Linda Payne's Web site, for instance, a family icon highlights houses with in-law apartments or two master suites. "Are you part of the 'sandwich generation'?" she asks. Great Neck, N.Y., agent Camille Piscotto takes a lower-tech route: She knocks on the doors of houses that look big enough to fit an extended family to see if the owners might want to sell (a surprising number eventually do, she says).

In some places, brokers say, close to 10% of buyers are looking for places that can accommodate the children or in-laws. "Five years ago, it was rare," says McLean, Va., agent Casey Margenau. And that's fine by him: Home buyers looking for a family compound will often spend hundreds of thousands more to land a property that can fit everyone -- especially because they often are selling two homes to move in together. "People want these things, but they're rare," he says.

Bingo and Rock-Climbing Walls

Big developers are starting to discover the same thing. Del Webb, which usually builds retirement communities, is now putting up "multigenerational" communities that have everything from rock-climbing walls to bingo parlors for retirees and their grandchildren. It seems to be working. At its Anthem development outside Phoenix, homes are selling twice as fast as originally projected, with "dozens and dozens" of families buying, says marketing director Jackie Petroulakis. Meanwhile, in Sacramento, Calif., Lewis builders is planning a series of developments called Homecoming that'll have everything from children's centers to rental offices (for the self-employed) to yoga classes, all aimed at getting the generations to mingle on neutral turf. "People don't just want shelter, they want social infrastructure," says executive vice president Randall Lewis.

And maybe a place for the in-laws or children to live, an increasingly common add-on for the nation's big home builders. A recent survey by Pulte Homes of Dallas found that more than half of empty-nest home buyers could foresee their children or grandchildren living with them during their retirement, more than double the number two years ago. It's started offering casitas and granny flats wherever zoning allows. KB homes, a big California builder, says generally a third of its new home buyers want a granny flat. But in one development, Sycamore Villas, in Hercules, Calif., a full 70% of buyers ask for them. Cost: as much as $100,000 in some places (especially if you spring for granite countertops and travertine floors for Mom and Dad).

Among those enjoying the new togetherness are Jack and Susan Briggs, who almost as soon as they moved in to Del Webb's Anthem community, started urging her parents to give up their house in Rochester, N.Y., and buy the place next door. "A piece of my heart was missing," says Ms. Briggs, who has nine-month-old twins. Finally, in September, her parents moved in just over the fence -- though not before working out a pact limiting their baby-sitting status to strictly part-time. Now, Ms. Briggs can watch her father grilling a chicken in the backyard -- and get over for dinner while it's still hot. "The most wonderful thing in the world is to have your children want to be near you," her dad says.

Call-First Rules

It doesn't always work out so smoothly, of course. Everything from setting limits on drop-in visits (many people have a "call-first" rule ) to finding tables to seat the whole crowd can be a hassle. (One family's solution: Borrow them from the local hot dog stand.) And for teenagers looking for some distance from their families, it can be excruciating to run into relatives at every turn. Alabama architect Don Bowden was hired by one client to put in a boardwalk between his house and the cottage in the backyard he built for his children. A few months later, the man called back to ask if it could be turned into a drawbridge. "You can get too close," the architect says.

Indeed, for every tale of family happiness, there's the story of simmering childhood resentments revived or the college grad who returned to the nest -- only to get kicked out again. That's what happened to Valerie Calderon when she moved back in with her parents. They immediately started fighting about her contributions to the household (they were minimal, she admits) and what time she came home (late). Less than a year later, her parents asked her to leave. Still, she says, "If they ever need to move in with me, I'd be absolutely willing. But we'd all have to give each other some space."

Indeed, Jim Nedohon and his partner, Steven Golsch, think they have the answer to that problem: Spread everyone out a bit -- like in separate houses over 40-acres. They've already invited Mr. Golsch's parents, his three siblings and their own families to come live with them. And they're expecting some payback, too. "When the time comes," Mr. Nedohon says, "we want the children to be pushing us in our wheelchairs and wiping the drool off of our faces."

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